U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
