I skipped work to stalk him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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