Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
