If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
