Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she looked like the before picture.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
