I think I am morally bankrupt
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
