Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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