im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
