You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
