pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
