You're so nebulous sometimes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
