im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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