Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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