He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
