Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You have to summon your inner elephant
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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