Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
