remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
