hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
