Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
