Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
