Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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