Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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