Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize