guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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