i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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