My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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