dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
