If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
