Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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