so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
