At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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