WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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