why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
