I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
