Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
