I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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