there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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