You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He felt like a one man threesome
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
