good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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