3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
