I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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