they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
