i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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