I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
