Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
