just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
