i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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