I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
