I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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