She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
