After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
