New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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