Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
false alarm, still single
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