No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
