Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize