Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
