Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
