Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
