i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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