Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
