I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
where are you?
Hypothermia
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
